I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
