My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
