Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
