At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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