I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
