This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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