Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
