Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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