I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
