I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
