Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
