Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
