umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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