when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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