at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
