Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
