shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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