Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
