I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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