I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
