His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
