she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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