we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
