i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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