it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize