I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
