we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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