i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
