Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
