so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
