Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
