I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
