I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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