Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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