Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
