thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
