i just google imaged poop.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
