Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
