i permit you to call me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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