I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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