This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
