Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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