God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dear god my vagina.
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