just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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