Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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