It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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