I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
