just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
