I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
