if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
