I wanna bring you to show and tell
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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