broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
