I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
