No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
