Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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