Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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