# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
