i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
