I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
