That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
