so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
