They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
