i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
