Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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