Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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