I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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