We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently the secret to your success is patron
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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