So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i came on her dog
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
