get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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