How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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