I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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